Dolly’s story
A brief story for the website, drawn from Homi’s unpublished memoir — a sixty-year love, and the ten years of illness that revealed, as he writes, “the depth of her soul and psyche.”
Told by her husband, Homi D. Jijina
Dolly Maaji was born in the summer of 1946 in Bombay. Her parents were a modest conservative Zoroastrian Irani couple. Dolly was the 5th and last child in this family. She had two brothers and two sisters. She grew up in a very strict family environment. She studied up to High School at the Lady Engineer School in Bombay. She was highly intellectual, but her orthodox father did not encourage her to go for higher studies. She started working at the Central Bank of India and was marking time till a suitable marriage partner was found. Both her brothers were also working in a bank.
It is often said that marriages are made in Heaven. I know for sure that my marriage with Dolly was made in Heaven and God Himself has been orchestrating every move in our lives even till today.
Zoroastrians do not believe in reincarnation. But here is a story difficult to refute. At the age of 10 in 1944 I became seriously ill with septic Appendix ready to burst. Providence played its role. Our family doctor Patel came home to check me and without any x-rays or any other tests he declared I was in a state of emergency and should be operated on immediately. I was moved to Bowring Hospital where the chief surgeon was doctor Espinol. India at that time was still under the British Raj and this hospital was also under British control. He got me ready for the operation which at that time was a very serious medical procedure. Sure enough, the appendix had become fully septic and if it had not been removed when it was, I may not be alive today. My dear mother was distraught with my condition and wanted to stay in the hospital with me, but rules were strict and she was asked to leave. She did not want to do so because of acute anxiety. She contrived to hide in the toilet or under my bed when the doctor was making rounds.
I was made to lie flat with knees and head raised for 13 days in the articulated hospital bed. That was the gravity of appendix operations in those days. My mother kept praying for me and I was told that she performed a ritual of going round my bed 7 times and wishing for my safety in exchange for her life. Believe it or not I recovered fully very soon but I lost my dear mother through smallpox early in the year 1946; and Dolly was born in Bombay 6 months later that same year. Dolly and I had absolutely no connection until the time I met her for matrimony. I am told that life comes to the fetus in the 6th month of pregnancy, which makes my hypothesis feasible.
Dolly grew up in Bombay. She was brought up under the strict discipline of her orthodox father. At the age of 7 her Thread Ceremony (Navjote) was performed as per Zoroastrian custom.
1946 · Bombay
A Bombay childhood
Read about the Navjote ceremony, in full
Navjot - The religious garment:
In a large group of soldiers, it is necessary to proclaim certain powers and privileges of a brigade or corps, by means of special badges; so also in Iran, the Mazdayasna had such a uniform, which, because of its religious significance, was held to be sacred so that even royalty used to wear it with the same reverence as the common person. This uniform has two main elements, the Sudreh, which is a white muslin shirt, and Kushti, which is a special waistband.
The shirt is a loose garment of white cotton (normally muslin cloth), the color implying Asha, the fundamental doctrine of Zoroaster's Faith. It is called Sudreh, which means 'the Good Path'.
It is usually short-sleeved and reaches down nearly to the knees. It has no collar and is cut low over the chest; and in the center there is a small pouch or bag-shaped attachment sewn on. This is called the gireh-ban. This is the most important part of the garment, for it is the symbolic repository of the Good Thoughts, the Good Words and the Good Deeds of the wearer.
The Kushti is woven out of white lamb's wool by a process of weaving which is a complex one.. It is prepared, as a rule, only by women of the priestly class, though nowadays sometimes non-priestly women also may weave it.
First, the wool is spun into a fine thread, and two threads of the requisite length are twisted together, symbolizing the union of the Two Spirits for manifestation. Then seventy-two such double strands are taken and woven together into a long thin hollow tape.
The number seventy-two represents the seventy-two chapters of the Yasna, the most important book of the Zoroastrian Scriptures. The hollow tape is then turned carefully inside out after which there is ceremonial washing and finally it is rolled up tightly. Every detail in the preparation of the Kushti is symbolic; the seventy-two strands are divided into six groups of twelve each, these numbers also having definite significance.
As worn over the Sudreh, the Kushti goes round the waist thrice, to signify the three commandments of Zoroaster – humata (Good Thoughts), hukhta (Good Words), and huvarshta (Good Deeds). It is secured by 'a sailor's Reef knot' once in front and then behind. Each twist of these knots is meant to bring one important truth to the mind of the wearer: (1) that God is the One Eternal Being, (2) that the Mazdayasni Faith is the true Faith, (3) that Zoroaster is the true inspired Prophet of God, and (4) that the wearer shall try to obey the three commandments.
In short, the Sudreh and the Kushti are emblems that are supposed to remind the wearer that he/she is a valiant soldier of Ahura Mazda, and must fight against vices such as envy, anger, lust, greed, etc
Navjot – The Ceremony:
The Navjot (literally, 'the New Light or Birth”) ceremony marks the second birth of the child, i.e., into the Zoroastrian fold. It is rather like the Upanayanam ceremony amongst Hindus, except that both boys and girls are permitted to undergo Navjot in the Zoroastrian Religion, whereas only boys undergo the Hindu ceremony.
The Navjot is a confirmation ceremony wherein a new believer is initiated into the Zarthusti (Zoroastrian) Religion. On this auspicious day, the child for the first time wears the sacred ‘Sudreh’ and ‘Kushti’ – a white muslin undershirt around which is tied a consecrated hand-woven thread made from lamb’s wool as described above.
These vestments are unique to the Zoroastrian faith, and their ritualistic wearing serves as a daily affirmation of the doctrines of Ahura Mazda, the Lord of Light and Wisdom.The ceremony, it is enjoined, should take place between the ages of seven and fifteen, but it is rarely postponed beyond the age of puberty and usually the age is seven or nine.
After this investiture the Zoroastrian must wear the shirt and the girdle day and night (except while bathing), and these constitute the dress of the body of a Zoroastrian even when it is carried to the last resting place.Navjot has two purposes: 1) Priests, relatives etc., invited on the occasion are witnesses to the candidate’s “creed”. The creed contains the announcement, that the new initiate accepts the religion as revealed to Zoroaster by God. The congregation having approved of this open declaration, the leading priest then offers to the candidate two sacred emblems of the community – Sudreh and the Kushti. In Iran, this function is called Sedreh-Pushi. 2) Having gone through this ceremony, the neophyte is a Parsi by birth and a Zoroastrian by choice.
The formal ceremony has four parts:
1) The sacred ablution, preparing the neophyte with purity of the body, and attuning his mind, to benefit from blessings and higher influences. He or she accepts a sacramental sip of a drink during this part of the ritual.
2) The solemn declaration of the creed and granting of the Sudreh.
3) The recitation of prescribed verses.
4) The priest showers blessings.
Holy fire keeps burning throughout the function. Both Parsi boys and girls are initiated with a uniform ritual.
Physical therapy at Kamalnayan Bajaj Hospital, helping Dolly stand and sit
Flag hoisting and rangoli at the Independence Day celebrations
Tripathi, Santosh, and Dr. Vinod Gosavi at the hospital’s Independence Day celebration
The cottage grounds at Parathuvayalil Ayurvedic Hospital, Kochi
Pulinthanath Heritage Farm Homestay, Chalassery, where Dolly and Homi stayed with Siju peter and Siya V.A
Dolly Mamma's casket, dressed with white hydrangea and roses
Family gathered in tribute
A remembrance candle and photograph
A final prayer before the casket
Prayers continued at the Parsi Zoroastrian Temple, Pune
The 10-day prayer for Dolly at the Irani Zoroastrian Temple, Pune
Her closing reflection
Dementia is a silent killer, but the patient can be made comfortable and lead a reasonably happy life if flooded with love and affection and genuine compassion by near and dear ones on 24x7 basis. The patient should never experience even a single dull moment. The patient should be kept mobilized at least twice a day.
When a dementia patient dies prematurely, it is very often due to negligence in feeding through a PEG tube without continuous monitoring, especially during automatic overnight feeding. Semi-solid food can reflux into the lungs and gradually choke a patient who cannot call for help. I believe my Dolly died this way, as did a couple of other patients I know.
The painful truth is that some doctors and nurses may view a peaceful death in such cases as merciful because they believe the dementia patient is suffering beyond comprehension.